Petunia's Final Goodbye
by Andshecries
Summary: Petunia visits Lily at the cemetary at Godric's Hollow. Many secrets are revealed. DH Disregarded.


Petunia Dursley walked silently through the cemetery, a single flower in her hand. The winter air blew against her cheek and snow crunched under her feet. The sky was a dazzling opaline white and the evergreens were dusted with a light layer of snow.

If she wasn't in such a hurry, Petunia might have stopped to admire the beauty of it all. She stopped at her sister's grave and closed her eyes. She could feel tears forming behind her eyelids. As she sat down in front of the headstone, a single tear rolled down her cheek and landed softly on the snow in front of her, melting a small patch of it.

"Oh Lily," she whispered, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. "Oh Lil. I'm a wreck. What would you say if you could see me now? I know I have to be strong, Lil... but I just can't..."

Petunia leaned her head against her sister's headstone and cried silently for a few minutes.

"Dudley is so grown up now. You would love him if you could meet him. Harry is such a big boy; I can barely recognize him! You'd be proud of him. I... read his copies of the _Daily Prophet _sometimes. He is such a hero in the wizarding world. But... I know that both he and I would much, much, much rather you were alive. I wish..."

Petunia's voice trailed off and she started crying again. She took a few deep breaths before continuing.

"I... Well, Harry's coming of age in a few weeks. He's turning seventeen. How come you didn't tell me... that a wizard comes of age at seventeen? You... you stayed with Mum and Dad and I until you turned eighteen, didn't you, Lil? I wish I knew why. Well, I guess there are a lot of things I still don't know about you."

Petunia took a deep shuddering breath, fingering the flower in her hands absentmindedly.

"I was so jealous of you, you know, when you first got accepted to Hogwarts. I... almost hated you at one point in my life." She buried her face in her hands and sighed, feeling absolutely ashamed of herself.

"I just wished so much that I could go to a magic school too. Not just some average private school where all the non-magical people went. I was so glad when you actually taught me a few spells after your seventh year. I was so amazed that I could actually _cast _them. I mean, I'm supposed to be a... well, muggle. So obviously, I thought I couldn't... you know... use a wand."

She flinched slightly, as if she had uttered a swear word. Then she looked extremely ashamed of herself again.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I... I guess I've just lived with Vernon too long. I wish I didn't have to keep everything a secret from him. I mean: he's my _husband_! But if he would just try to understand... He was really happy that Dudders didn't get into Hogwarts. I was _so_ upset, Lil. I had always hoped that, you know, he would be magic. Or at least some part of him would be. But I guess not."

Petunia sighed, tracing the words engraved on the headstone lightly with her finger.

"Anyway, I would have felt worse if he had been accepted into Hogwarts and then was Sorted into Slytherin. That's the house that You-Know-Who was in, isn't it? Still... it would have been nice if Dudley could have gone to Hogwarts with Harry. He could have learnt a lot. I mean: Harry had such _adventures_. And it's as if my Dudders doesn't even _care_ for adventures.

"Oh Lily! I need to get this off my chest and you're the only person I can talk to about it - I love Vernon, honestly I do, but I can't stop thinking about... you know, _him_." Petunia let out a short, humourless laugh.

"But he's gone now. He's dead. You probably know. He's been dead for nearly two years. Harry told me after his fifth year. I badly wanted to ask him for details, but I didn't dare mention _his _name in front of Vernon. Vernon would have been so angry!

"I wish I hadn't brought Vernon to your wedding. But it wouldn't have been fitting not to have brought him, would it? I mean, he _was_ my fiancé then. But... still... I mean, I should have known that my ex and my boyfriend in the same room would spell trouble. But I was naive, Lily. And when he asked me to dance, I didn't even think! I mean, I should have known that Vernon would be jealous. But I didn't. All I thought was 'It's just _one_ dance. What harm can it do?'

_Petunia and Vernon walked briskly into the sanctuary. "I don't like this, Petunia," Vernon whispered, grabbing her hand, "It just makes me uncomfortable hanging around these… these mutants."_

"_Vernon!" Petunia exclaimed. A few people turned and stared at her. She blushed, then hit her boyfriend on the arm. "Please don't talk like that. It's my sister's wedding, for crying out loud. You should at least try to be civil!" _

"_I'm sorry, Pet," Vernon told her, earnestly. "But I can't help feeling strange around your sister's lot."_

_Petunia sniffed haughtily as she sat in one of the middle aisles. Vernon frowned, but sidled in next to her. He stared at the little menus that they had received and demanded, "Don't they have any good food? And what the blazes are caul…?"_

_Petunia stuffed a handkerchief into Vernon's mouth. "Shut up!" she hissed. "I don't want anyone to know that you're a mug…" She stopped herself just in time. Vernon was glaring at her._

"_You were going to say the m-word, weren't you?" he growled. Petunia frowned but remained silent. "_Weren't _you?" he demanded again._

"_Yes, ok?" Petunia whispered. "I was!" _

_They glared at each other for the longest time, then Vernon stood up and walked out. Petunia buried her face in her hands and sighed._

"_Hey, is this seat taken?" a deep voice asked. Petunia looked up and gasped, then she quickly rearranged her features and looked nonchalant. She shook her head and the wizard sat down. The wizard looked at her, but she refused to look back. Her eyes were fixed directly at the altar. _

"_You look exactly the same as when I last saw you – time has done you good, Petunia." The wizard commented, a trace of amusement in his voice. _

"_Shouldn't you be getting ready?" Petunia whispered. She could smell his cologne. Heat rose to her cheeks and she found it was getting harder for her to breathe. Oh, why was he sitting so close? _

"_Oh, right! I'll go, then." And then, just like that, he was gone._

_Petunia swore inwardly composing herself as Vernon sat down next to her. _

"_Are you calm now, Pet?" he asked. Petunia scowled and leaned back in her seat. "Pet…?" _

"_Oh, shut _up_, Vernon! The wedding's about to start!"_

_The reception was being held in a big hotel. The number of people going to the reception was about half the number who attended the ceremony; many people were going home. Petunia rushed to Lily and hugged her. "You're a married woman now, Lily!" she gushed. _

_Lily laughed. "Well, yes, I suppose I am." Both women squealed with excitement. _

"_I won't keep you any longer, Lily. You and Dad are supposed to start the first dance." Petunia reminded her, breaking the embrace. _

"_I'll see you later, Petty!" Lily promised. Then she looked over Petunia's shoulder. "Well… I'll be off then," she said, with a gleam in her eye. _

_Petunia frowned, then turned. She came face to face with the familiar handsome wizard. _

"_Hello Petunia. May I have this dance?" He asked, gesturing to the three swirling couples already on the dance floor. She opened her mouth to answer when…_

"_You certainly may _not_!" _

_The two started and stared at Vernon. Something stirred up inside of Petunia – a defiance she had last felt when her parents told her that Lily was going to a special school and she couldn't._

"I'll_ be the judge of that, Vernon," she told him coolly, then grabbed the wizard's hand and pulled him towards the dance floor. Vernon just stood rooted to the spot, gaping._

"_Is he your_…_ boyfriend?" The wizard asked_ _hesitantly. A strand of his dark hair, which was longer than the others, fell into his face. _

"_Something like that." Petunia, ever the perfectionist, brushed away that strand of hair absent-mindedly. She blushed when she realized what she had done. _

"_You don't seem… to like him very much." He scrutinized her face. _

"_I'm… well, I actually think he's uncomfortable." She sighed._

"_What, with you?" He asked incredulously._

"_I don't know! I really don't!" _

"_Well, if he doesn't like you, I don't think he'll mind…" He bent down and kissed her. She had missed the feeling of his lips on hers. She closed her eyes, getting over her initial shock and kissed him back. Her mind went blissfully blank. Suddenly, she felt a searing pain on her cheek and the kiss was broken. Her gorgeous prince in dress robes was flung back and Vernon was yelling at him. _

"_Vernon, stop it! Stop!" Petunia said shrilly, grabbing Vernon and pulling him away. She could be extremely strong and half-dragged him out of the room. _

"_Vernon, shut up! It didn't mean anything! It was just a kiss between old… friends. That's it!" She snarled once the door had slammed behind them. _

"_Oh really? It didn't look like that in there! You throwing yourself at him…"_

_  
"I was not throwing myself at him, you imbecile!!" _

"_Oh really? You looked like you _loved_ him in there! Is that it?"_

"_I don't love him! I love you! I want to be with you!" The lies came out of Petunia's lips so easily, she didn't think. _

"_Oh really?" Vernon asked quietly. _

"_Yes, Vernon," Petunia said, her voice quavering slightly._

"_Then marry me, Petunia."_

"_But I… I…" Petunia was taken aback by his proposal and stuttered, something she rarely did. _

"_If you loved me truly, you would." Vernon pressed._

"_Fine. Ok." Petunia turned and stormed back into the reception area where every one was staring at her. They all looked pointedly away when she returned, except Lily. Petunia ran over to her sister and apologized. "I… have to go. I am so sorry, Lily." She grabbed her purse and rushed out of the room again, not looking back. _

Petunia blinked and came back to reality, the searing cold diminishing a memory that had only become rosier as the years passed.

"While we were dancing, I guess all the old feelings came back. We never stopped loving each other, you know. Or at least, I never stopped loving him. You were right to have set us up in your sixth year. When he kissed me during the dance - the last time I ever saw him, it was heaven. Vernon blew up... and you know the rest. I guess if we hadn't kissed in front of everybody, Vernon wouldn't hate wizards and witches as much. He would feel uncomfortable, I'm sure but he wouldn't _hate_ them. I ruined everything, I guess. I am so sorry I ruined your wedding day, Lily!"

Petunia sighed and blinked back more tears.

"But when I was with him, it just felt so _right_, you know? I guess I can't help myself when it comes to Sirius Black."


End file.
